I’ve grown up and lived in a society where people lauded the “self made man/woman”.  Where you were expected to “pull yourself up from your bootstraps”.  Where you worshiped (and wanted to be) the superstar.  There was a general belief that to be great you had to do it on your own.

This view has permeated into many things in our lives and has created a general belief that you should do things on your own. People would rather suffer in silence than ask for help. They try to do things on their own because they think this is the only way to have their talents recognized. Sometimes people try to overcome challenges alone because they are embarrassed to let people know they are having the challenge, or anticipate the shame associated with not actually falling through with their goal (or not reaching their stated goal).

However, support networks not only help make things easier, they are necessary.

Since goal setting is often tied to metaphors about “peak performance” or “climbing your personal mountain” or “It’s my own Everest”, let’s look at the first person to climb Everest, a monumental feat which people had been pursuing for 30 years before it was finally summited.

To start with, the first person to summit Everest was actually two people: Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay.  An incredible feat for two experienced climbers who had tried to make it to the top of Mount Everest multiple times (In fact it was Edmund’s 2nd attempt and Tenzing’s 6th attempt). 

Now, how much do we hear about the other 13 people in the expedition team? They helped with route planning, medical support, motivational support, and a general safety net to ensure Hillary and Norgay made it to the top. 

We also have to remember Everest was summited in 1953, a time when sherpas and porters were not considered part of the expedition team. So we also have to include the 19 sherpas who helped get all the equipment to the camp 3,000 feet below the summit.  And what about the other 19 sherpas who helped the expedition team climb the mountain?  There were also the 350 porters who carried the 8 tons of equipment to Everest Base Camp.  A huge support network on the side of the mountain helping Hillary and Norgay make it to the top.

And don’t forget all the people who supported the expedition from home providing equipment, research and funding. They had a part in the success.

So while we all think about Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay being the first to climb everest, when you truly look at it you realize that they wern’t, they were just part of a large team that helped get them there.

Now, look at all the other “self made” people in the world who we admire and look up to.  How many of them truly did it on their own? Professional athletes have a massive support system, CEOs have entire companies behind them, tech billionaires had many financial backers and technical geniuses which got them to where they are. 

So if they are the people who we look up to and they had help, why don’t we have a support network to help us?